Anxiety and Dehydration

Before I continue my life's story, please allow me to expound the bit on an earlier post.

Keep in mind that I am not a doctor, and that none of what I write here is medical advice, but I hope I can impart to you some knowledge that may help you in your struggle against anxiety or panic attacks.

I made a post in February entitled Anxiety and Alcohol.  In that post I explained the generalities of what I experienced earlier in my life while using alcohol as a crutch to deal with anxiety and panic attacks.

One of the main issues was that I was experiencing was anxiety the morning after consuming any considerable amount of alcohol. As a rule, this would include almost any morning.

Historically, any sensations that I considered a “hangover" would be run-of-the-mill headache, nausea, general jitters, and the like. Eventually, though, I began to experience feelings that were pure anxiety that would often trigger panic attacks.

After dealing with this phenomenon for several years, I had an acquaintance that mentioned to me that she experienced anxiety during hangover. At the time that this was brought up I was not usually experiencing anxiety during hangover's, but I did remember when I had a problem with that.

Fast forward...Some 10 years later, after experiencing a period of relative lack of anxiety, I began to have panic attacks while experiencing a hangover. I went through a period of about six weeks where I experienced may be three panic attacks a week and general anxiety almost daily. As it happens, I was also drinking a considerable amount every evening. I was not necessarily getting "drunk" but I was consuming an unhealthy amount of alcohol.

As I struggled to deal with my situation, I recalled my friends words. I realize that I was now experiencing what she was experiencing at the time.

Upon looking into the subject of hangovers, I discovered that hangovers are not very well understood, scientifically. They are, however, fairly well understood as a practical matter.

There are several imbalances in one's body that make up the whole of the hangover, but one of the biggest players is dehydration.

Now, as someone who has used alcohol not only as a crutch, but also as a party favor, I believe I can give you some insight on what it can do to your body.

Upon reading some material about alcohols affect on the body, I discovered quite a bit of information about dehydration. This hit home with me, because I knew how much dehydration I have experienced in the past while drinking alcohol.

Anyone who has consumed two beers and urinated out four beers in their first hour or two of drinking knows what I'm talking about. Alcohol tends to make your kidneys work on overdrive.

By the time you go to bed you've probably not had any real fluids for hours, but you've had plenty of alcohol this makes your system shed water right before you go to sleep. This, in turn, sets you up for considerable dehydration upon awakening.

Here is where it gets interesting. Dehydration is a very common contributor to anxiety.

What a perfectly inconvenient combination we have here. A person suffering from anxiety or panic attacks drinks alcohol in an attempt to get some relief. In turn, they cause themselves more anxiety and possibly another panic attack as a result of their alcohol consumption.

So, here is what you do not want to hear. Alcohol consumption is likely going to cause you more grief than relief.

Here is something that may be easier to digest. After you get a handle on mitigating your alcohol consumption, one of the easiest things you can do to help alleviate anxiety and panic attacks is to consume more water.

Many people nowadays are chronically dehydrated. This is not even taking into account the use of alcohol. In fact, roughly a third of the population is inclined to misinterpret thirst for hunger.

Since water plays such a major part in our bodies ability to function, it's not surprising that lack of water in our system would cause issues.

It seems almost too simple to suggest that drinking more water could have a positive effect on one's anxiety or panic attacks, but, indeed, it does play a significant role.

If you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks, I urge you to make an effort to consume more water during your day. This is not a cure-all, but it can definitely play a part in mitigating the frequency and severity of panic attacks and anxiety.  Not to mention, it's just plain good for you. 

I also urge you to check out Panic Away for a permanent  solution to panic attacks and anxiety.

Chris 

More on Anxiety and Novelty

So, after about a year in the new condo, things started to unravel like a cheap sweater. We had been in pretty much the same “rut” of day in-day out routines for long enough that there wasn't anything at all interesting about life.

As I stated early on in my posts about our marriage in Colorado, we were never really in love. We were in “like” at best. Maybe its more accurate to say we were just familiar and there was a child involved that we would rather not leave with a broken home complex.

Well, there comes a time when beating your head against the wall 24/7 starts to seam like it might be a less than productive plan of action. She was completely unhinged and on antidepressants...again. They weren't working. I, quite frequently, awakened in the morning to the sweet greeting from my loving wife: “Burn in hell you m*ther f*cker!!!”

Now, lest you think I'm exaggerating for dramatic effect, let me assure you that those were her exact words at least on one occasion, but there were other very similar morning salutations on several different occasions. Keep in mind that I hadn't done anything but be in her presence when she woke up. This is one reason I will never touch antidepressants. I know they help some people, they also turn others into monsters. I won't roll that set of dice.

So, I think you can see how things were working out. I began having panic attacks with regularity about this time. The worst part was that I had no one to turn to except maybe my mother by phone. If I was full of anxiety, the best thing I could do is hide it from my “wife” or risk being ridiculed as a “drama queen.” Yes, it did seem that she was the devil.

I was drinking in earnest by now but it was only helping a little bit. Some weekends were O.K. because we would have friends over to visit, but most of the time I was miserable.

One night everything came to a head. I don't know what the argument was about, but we found ourselves standing in the kitchen. She was across from me next to the sink and the knife block. At some point during a particularly heated exchange, she flung something at me from directly in front of the knife block. The light was low at the time, so I couldn't see well, but it appeared to be a knife.

Honestly, I don't recall what it was, but it was not a knife. However, it hit me in the gut quite sharply and for a second I thought I had been stabbed. That was it. I totally collapsed in a heap and blubbered like a crazy person. This was not the kind of novelty I benefited from.

The fact that I was at the point that I considered it possible that my “wife” would throw a knife at me indicated I was in the wrong place. After a couple hours calming down, we went to bed. The next day we discussed the plan to separate...again.

Within a month we were on our way back to Colorado. Our (her) son was once again going to stay with grandma. I had issues with this, by the way. I still do, but that's another story.

We were to spend a week in Colorado and then I was to leave Tammy there to stay with her cousin (who originally stayed with us.) The plan was to spend at least a few months away from each other. As I saw it, a few months was a start at never, which was obviously the only real option.

And we'll continue this next time.

Don't forget to check out Panic Away to find out how to end panic attacks and anxiety permanently without drugs.  

Chris

Anxiety and Novelty

Well, I can't say that writing about my ex wife right now is something I feel like doing, but I did say a few posts back that I would pick up the story.

Plus, this story holds a key to understanding why my panic attacks would come and go. So, here it goes...

After I left Colorado, got divorced and landed back in California, I had myself about one year of freedom. Right around that one year mark, however, I got a phone call. It was her. We'll call her Tammy to protect the guilty.

It turns out that her son had been staying with her mother who lived about two hours from me at the time. As it happens, Tammy was going to be taking the bus out from Colorado to pick him up. She planned to stay for awhile before returning so I don't think she had a plan to get back.

Well, we had had a few phone conversations prior that were amicable so I wasn't too surprised when she suggested that she take the bus to San Clemente and not Victorville and I could pick her up. That way we could spend a day or two “catching up” before I drove her to her Mom's place.

It's funny how when you haven't seen somebody for a year, their craziness doesn't seem so obvious. I actually liked here now. She seemed different, more like when we were first dating. Well, after a week, we had made plans to get out of the room I was renting and get our own place and then go get her son. Within three weeks from her arrival, we were a family again and had our own place.

Now, for the next year, I don't remember any panic attacks at all. Life had it's ups and downs, but I felt pretty good, anxiety-wise. Looking back, this is important. This is why...

For that one year, everything was an adventure; everything was new. My situation held a high degree of novelty. Even the more unpleasant aspects of my life like my stepson being the poster child for ADHD were new and exiting...well, new anyway.

I recall that when I first moved to Colorado, I was doing pretty good with my anxiety. Even during the earlier parts of the marriage that started to get unpleasant, I did begin drinking more, but in my mind, it wasn't to avoid panic attacks (though it might have helped with that anyway), it was just to not get in an argument and/or break something out of frustration.

So, looking back, times in my life filled with novelty are almost always times I was free from panic attacks and anxiety, even if I was under stress (there are a few exceptions). Once the novelty wears off, though, then I'd have an issue. Speaking of the novelty wearing off...

We were living in our first place for about a year when things started to fall back into the old ways. Her mental instability started becoming an issue. We stopped working as a team in dealing with her son's major issues. Just when it looked grim, an opportunity opened up.

My parents owned a nice condominium only a few miles from where we were renting. It had been occupied for years, but the lease was ending and we were getting a shot at it, cheap.

Granted the place we were in was on a cliff overlooking the beach, but we were in the “mother-in-law's” quarters on the back of the house, so we weren't loosing the view. The new place was twice as big and a real place of our own, not half a floor in someone else's house.

Upon making the move, everything seemed to get better again. True, we were more relaxed in a nicer, larger place, but I think the novelty factor had a lot to do with it for both of us.

Another year passed with relative peace, and then...It began to unravel.

Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks

Just recently I had a discussion with my Mom about her panic attacks.  It turns out that she has a few stories about panic attacks that really are stories of Agoraphobia. 

I asked her If she would like to contribute to my blog, and, as Moms tend to be, she was more than willing.

Here is her first response to me via email.....

You know, I've had panic attacks off and on for quite some time now. Honestly, when it first started, I wasn't really sure what was going on. I think my mother said that she had experienced something similar in her past. I have several sisters who also have experienced something similar. Until I got older, I didn't know what they were talking about.

As it turns out I did experience several episodes of panic, or anxiety, I guess. Until a got a little bit older I didn't really realize that what I was experiencing was fairly common. I also didn't realize what triggered it because it was relatively rare for me.

It turns out that I have a mild case of what is called Agoraphobia. I really don't know why I feel the way I do. I have dealt with crowds and traffic countless times over the decades, but on certain occasions, I have just freaked out.

One of my most ridiculous panic attacks:

I believe it was 1998. I was making a trip to Trader Joe's which has always been one of my favorite stores. Lots of goodies there. It's also always crowded, so it's not like there's ever a slow time. It also seems like the senior population has a particular affinity for the place. At any given time 75% of the shoppers are retirement age or over. It's an interesting phenomenon.

I got a cart and hugged the shelves as best I could to avoid the aisle traffic. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to avoid the inevitable... "Ouch!" I felt another cart jam into my Achilles tendon. From behind me, I heard a small voice say "excuse me" in an unconcerned tone. I turned around to see a rather small, rather old woman looking at me with glazed eyes.

"No big deal," I thought. That type of thing happens a lot in this place, but as I began to move forward towards the end of the isle, CRASH! Another cart rounding the end cap slammed into me. It was starting to feel a bit warm at this point and I thought it would be best if I went to the restroom and splashed my face with cold water.

After a few moments calming down in the restroom, I decided to give it another go. Upon exiting the restroom I was met nose to nose by a lady shopper trying to make her way in. "Why doesn't she back up and let me out before she tries to force yourself in?" I thought. We eventually squeezed by each other and I made my way back to my cart.

I now found that I was unable to maneuver with any effectiveness through the hordes moving about the Isles. I began to feel like everybody in the store was looking at me, like everyone knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. I made my way to the checkout and as I was waiting in line I noticed the sweat beginning to form on my forehead. My heart started pounding and everything started to go into slow motion. I remember grabbing my purse and screaming “Nooooooooo!” At the top of my lungs as I ran towards the exit.

Just outside the door, I threw myself down on the small but lush patch of grass as if I was trying to hang on to the earth so as not to be thrown off by the centrifugal force of its rotation. As I felt the coolness of the grass against me I began to calm down a bit. It was then that I realized what a spectacle I had just made of myself. This was disturbing, but was really nothing in the face of the relief I was feeling at the time.

After a few moments I picked myself up and tried to salvage any shreds of dignity I had left as the other shoppers filed past me trying not to pay me any attention. Fortunately my husband, who was visiting another store, returned just then and I made my escape.

Thankfully, these types of episodes didn't happen too often for me. When they did, though, they tended to be quite a sight to see, I'm sure.

Crowds and chaos usually make me a bit uneasy, but it's relatively uncommon for me to completely fly off the handle. I suppose there was a period there for about 10 years that it was particularly bad. I have been more or less O.K. Since about 2007, I guess.

Hope this can add some info for your blog. Love ya,

Mom

Divorce and Panic Disorder

So, I mentioned in my last post that my wife at the time was on psychotropic drugs for depression. Honestly I think she was bipolar, not just depressed, but I guess that's neither here nor there. The important part is that she was impossible to deal with. I gave her some slack because if she had problems, it wasn't her fault. I had problems too and it wasn't my fault (at least not my panic disorder, I had other things that were my fault, of course).

The big problem is that she wasn't a very good person, honestly. If that wasn't bad enough, she clearly didn't love me. Add to that the fact that I didn't love her anymore...probably never did, actually...you get the idea.

Well, one day I decided that I really needed to leave for the benefit of us all. Strangely enough (perhaps not so strangely, I suppose) once I stated my intentions, everything was fine! I mean, I had about a month or so to get everything together and settle our business, so to speak. After the initial discussion, which was a bit uncomfortable, everything seemed just peachy.

Apparently knowing I was leaving was enough to make us feel like we were dating again. No commitment meant no pressure. No pressure meant being able to be ourselves again and not care what the other one thought.

Of course I still had to go. Ironically, the only way for us to to be happy together was to not be together. Life can be complicated.

I tell you this because from the time I left to the time we got back together (oh, yes, there is a story there), I felt mostly just fine.

For about a year I was living back in California as a regular single guy and doing quite well. Now, I had had long stretches without the anxiety or panic before, but the way I went from being a wreck to immediately fine upon leaving Colorado made me think that environmental triggers were playing more of a part in my problem than I had thought.

I was a bit depressed about the divorce for a few weeks in the beginning, but I never experienced any anxiety over it. I even went though about a month of dating my old ex girlfriend, which should have thrown me over the edge (as I look back on the situation. She was...difficult), but I dealt just fine. There was some drama, but no panic attacks.

During my time as a single guy, I did continue to drink. I did, however, moderate it quite a bit. I would mostly drink socially at the pub after work or at dinner. I ate out almost exclusively since I was just renting a room. I had kitchen privileges, but eating out was just easier. This meant that I couldn't get too verschnickered, because I had to drive home. It's also about ten times the expense to drink at the bar than at home.

I really couldn't say if my alcohol consumption at the time (or moderation thereof) played any part in my anxiety status, honestly. It would be nice to be able to point to very specific factors, but as we will shortly discuss, there are certain aggravating factors that are identifiable...Namely, my ex-wife.

It was just over a year after leaving that SHE showed back up in my life...

We'll get in to that next time,

Chris

P.S. Don't forget to check out Panic Away to find out why not even my ex wife can get to me anymore!

Anxiety Medications

Unlike many people with anxiety attacks, my first encounter with a doctor was not upon my initial attack, but rather some years later.

During my first attack (which was mercifully short) I had a general idea that what I was going through might have been a panic attack, I watched 60 Minutes too after all. Either way, it began to subside quickly enough that I didn't call the ambulance or anything. From then on I knew what it was (which did nothing to help, unfortunately) and I didn't really think a doctor could help me.

Fast forward to about the age of twenty five. I had finally decided that maybe a doctor could give me some tranquilizers or something. I wasn't about to see a therapist. Not only did I not have the insurance coverage, I also didn't believe for a second that a “shrink” could do me any good by me talking about my inner child for years on end. I figured I just inherited this mess so it's in my genes. I wasn't having much luck controlling panic attacks on my own, though, so I figured Xanax could do it for me with less side effects than boozing it up.

Doctors don't like to give you narcotics if you straight up ask for them, I learned. Especially if you are a long haired rocker type. Strike one. I got  a “prescription” for deep breathing exercises and it only cost me fifty bucks at that.

On my next go 'round I played it cooler. You know, the “I've tried deep breathing and meditation, and nothing works, Doc. Whatever can I do now?” technique. It worked. I got Valium.

So, here's the thing about taking tranquilizers for panic attacks. It takes at least twenty minutes for the darned pill to kick in and the attack is usually over in less than ten. This was a logistical issue I had overlooked. Alcohol would kick in in a few minutes at least. The label on the bottle said take one tablet as needed. The problem was that without psychic powers I didn't know for sure when I was going to need it.

You see, I felt general anxiety off and on quite a bit, but a full blown anxiety attack only came on every once in a while. I tried taking half a pill every 6 hours or so in an attempt to hold down any possible anxiety throughout the day, but even that small dose still made me move in slow motion all day. I was pretty relaxed to be sure, I was also not able to function properly

I eventually put the pills in the medicine cabinet for those times when I was experiencing an extended period of anxiety. I also would carry one in a little pill box in my pocket just as a “security blanket.” Actually, it helped quite a bit knowing it was there. Just having it on me enabled me to bear more than I might have without it.

Over all, tranquilizers were just a slight help. They were nowhere near a solution. As far as drugs go, the next step was SSRIs like Prozac, etc. This was not an option for me.

My wife at the time had been put on Effexor for depression. Twenty five dollars per pill those things cost. When she lost her insurance, well, things got very ugly very fast. I did not want to be put on a drug that may or may not work for me and not be able to stop without months of medical oversight. I was somewhat desperate, but that idea actually made me anxious in itself.

It wasn't long after these events that I had a major change in my life that did have a pretty significant effect on my panic attacks and anxiety. Divorce.

Until later,

Chris.

P.S. To learn more about how to stop panic attacks naturally, without pills, check out the Panic Away Method.

Anxiety and Alcohol

As time went on I realized that I was actually having periods of relative peace. In fact from the ages of about 20 to 22 I'd say I felt more or less “normal.” There was a bit of girlfriend drama around that time, but I don't recall any full blown panic attacks. What I do recall, however, is that I began drinking on a regular basis around then.

I don't believe that I was feeling less anxiety because I was drinking, necessarily, but it might have helped. Either way, the drinking became a habit. It was something that was comfortable and normal for me. That's probably why it turned in to a crutch, eventually.

After moving away from my home town in Southern California in a quest to find myself, I found myself...in Colorado. That wasn't my original destination, but after plan A-E fell through, that's were I landed.

Somehow within months I found myself with a factory job and a turn-key family. I guess I thought I was making up for lost time, but I rushed in to a disfunctional marriage with a problematic stepchild and a live-in relative too.

It wasn't long at all before my regular social and recreational drinking became swilling beer to keep from going nuts amongst the chaos. I remained functional and only drank in the evenings, but it was clear that without it, I was starting to feel the same old anxiety creeping in on me.

Eventually I started waking up with anxious feelings in the morning and struggling through my day. Work sucked. I would be underneath a 150 ton press in “the Pit” standing in two inches of leaked hydrolic fluid and trying to thread a 90 pound die core up in place...all the while thinking “keep it together man...deep breathing.” It was about that time in my life I learned how to refrain from externalizing my symptoms when I had to. Talk about unpleasant...

If you suffer from panic attacks you've probably found yourself in a situation where you just couldn't lose it (even though you were). It's the worst! In fact, being in such a situation is often a trigger in itself. The times I did manage to not lose all composure (outwardly at least) were...well, honestly I can't think of the words to describe it. The thing that I remember most, though, is the feeling of complete disassociation. It was like watching everything unfold on T.V. I couldn't feel my face or hands. Everything sounded muffled. Looking back, I think I maintained outward composure. Nobody said anything.

Anyway, after a couple years of regular drinking, one's tolerance tends to increase. I was drinking a half bottle or so of hard liquor and a few beers every night. This, of course would have an adverse effect on the way I felt the next morning. Eventually, and I don't know how or why, being hung over caused a lot of anxiety. Shaking, dizziness, strange feelings in my chest and guts, and of course, full blown anxiety attacks. I couldn't just feel like crap like I used to a few years before. No! now I had to feel weird, and as we all know, feeling weird is the last thing an anxiety sufferer can handle.

So once again I had trapped myself in a vicious cycle and it went on for quite awhile. After three years I decided to seek medical help. Notice I said “seek” not “find.”

Until next time,

Chris