I asked her If she would like to contribute to my blog, and, as Moms tend to be, she was more than willing.
Here is her first response to me via email.....
You know, I've had panic attacks off and on for quite some time now. Honestly, when it first started, I wasn't really sure what was going on. I think my mother said that she had experienced something similar in her past. I have several sisters who also have experienced something similar. Until I got older, I didn't know what they were talking about.
As it turns out I did experience several episodes of panic, or anxiety, I guess. Until a got a little bit older I didn't really realize that what I was experiencing was fairly common. I also didn't realize what triggered it because it was relatively rare for me.
It turns out that I have a mild case of what is called Agoraphobia. I really don't know why I feel the way I do. I have dealt with crowds and traffic countless times over the decades, but on certain occasions, I have just freaked out.
One of my most ridiculous panic attacks:
I believe it was 1998. I was making a trip to Trader Joe's which has always been one of my favorite stores. Lots of goodies there. It's also always crowded, so it's not like there's ever a slow time. It also seems like the senior population has a particular affinity for the place. At any given time 75% of the shoppers are retirement age or over. It's an interesting phenomenon.
I got a cart and hugged the shelves as best I could to avoid the aisle traffic. Unfortunately, this wasn't enough to avoid the inevitable... "Ouch!" I felt another cart jam into my Achilles tendon. From behind me, I heard a small voice say "excuse me" in an unconcerned tone. I turned around to see a rather small, rather old woman looking at me with glazed eyes.
"No big deal," I thought. That type of thing happens a lot in this place, but as I began to move forward towards the end of the isle, CRASH! Another cart rounding the end cap slammed into me. It was starting to feel a bit warm at this point and I thought it would be best if I went to the restroom and splashed my face with cold water.
After a few moments calming down in the restroom, I decided to give it another go. Upon exiting the restroom I was met nose to nose by a lady shopper trying to make her way in. "Why doesn't she back up and let me out before she tries to force yourself in?" I thought. We eventually squeezed by each other and I made my way back to my cart.
I now found that I was unable to maneuver with any effectiveness through the hordes moving about the Isles. I began to feel like everybody in the store was looking at me, like everyone knew I was on the verge of a panic attack. I made my way to the checkout and as I was waiting in line I noticed the sweat beginning to form on my forehead. My heart started pounding and everything started to go into slow motion. I remember grabbing my purse and screaming “Nooooooooo!” At the top of my lungs as I ran towards the exit.
Just outside the door, I threw myself down on the small but lush patch of grass as if I was trying to hang on to the earth so as not to be thrown off by the centrifugal force of its rotation. As I felt the coolness of the grass against me I began to calm down a bit. It was then that I realized what a spectacle I had just made of myself. This was disturbing, but was really nothing in the face of the relief I was feeling at the time.
After a few moments I picked myself up and tried to salvage any shreds of dignity I had left as the other shoppers filed past me trying not to pay me any attention. Fortunately my husband, who was visiting another store, returned just then and I made my escape.
Thankfully, these types of episodes didn't happen too often for me. When they did, though, they tended to be quite a sight to see, I'm sure.
Crowds and chaos usually make me a bit uneasy, but it's relatively uncommon for me to completely fly off the handle. I suppose there was a period there for about 10 years that it was particularly bad. I have been more or less O.K. Since about 2007, I guess.
Hope this can add some info for your blog. Love ya,
Mom
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